Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.
— Oscar Wilde.
This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.
Invite Anxiety
You’ve spent weeks planning your guest list. Moving people from the day to the evening, argued over what to do with partners and children. Had questions about your second cousins, your mums best friend and that girl you went to school with. Finally you’re ready to start designing your invites.
You look for days on Pinterest and Instagram for the best looking stationary, see the price and quickly retreat to either DIY or a preset design. You analyse for hours, is your name spelt right, google how you’re even meant to phrase the invite, is the date right? And when you’ve checked it a thousand times, ordered a sample, checked it again and got your bride squad to triple check. You’re finally ready to send the invites.
This is the stage I’m now at. I even have everyone’s addresses, know which order they’ll be sent (we would like the parents to have theirs first) and got the stamps. And then that massive wave of anxiety hits you, ‘what if no one comes to our wedding?’
Our wedding is not massive, we are going abroad and inviting 70 guests and expecting around 50 to attend. But what if they don’t?! What if this massive venue with accommodation for all doesn’t get filled? What if we’ve spent all this money for nothing? Surely people will come? Won’t they?
When I sought support on Instagram, it appears I am not the only one with invite anxiety. Out of my story poll, 93% said they had or are feeling the same, which gave me much relief, I’m trying to be excited to send them out and hope that we get some sort of RSVP of people!
How did you feel when you sent your invites out? Or are you at my stage of planning and how do you feel about it? Let us know in the comments below!
Planning a wedding as a fatherless bride
You’ve just got engaged, it’s a lovely time to celebrate and everyone gets excited asking you questions about your wedding. That is until you start getting those awkward Dad questions.
My dad passed in 1998 when I was 9. Nearly 22 years later you would have thought I’d learnt to live without him. And where for most of my life, I have, planning your wedding brings back all of those memories and reminds me he just won’t be there.
But here I am planning my wedding without him. Deciding how I’m going to walk down the aisle. Avoiding the father/daughter dance all whilst ensuring my guests do not feel sorry for me. And just like that, all my suppressed feelings and anger are drawn to the surface taking me back all those years ago where I was unable to mention the word ‘Dad’ without falling into tears.
I’ve cried more since I started planning the wedding than I have done in the last 20 years. Failing to understand how he won’t be there. I won’t have that photo when the Father sees his daughter in a wedding dress for the first time. I won’t have that pride as he walks me down the aisle. And I won’t have that opportunity to dance with my father (ever) again.
I have no idea how I will make it through my actual wedding day, this blog itself has taken days to write as I collapse into a heap of emotions trying to write it through my blurry teary eyes. All I know is that I have to. Thankfully I have the utmost confidence in my bride squad to get me down that aisle, re-do my make up as many times as required, give me a few mental face slaps when needed and when allowed, have the biggest Oscar winning emotional breakdown where I can release all my anger and question why my father was not at my wedding.
“Those we love don’t go away, they walk beside us everyday. Unseen, unheard but always near, still loved, still missed and very dear. “
Where do I go from here? Well that’s the ultimate question. And one that I don’t have the answer to. I will continue to push through my wedding planning whilst having my emotional breakdowns secretly in the shower and I will continue to rehearse the lines when people ask those awkward Dad questions.
I want to have my Dad present at my wedding somehow, but not too much that it feels like a memorial to him. I will persist scrolling through Pinterest and Instagram until I find something that works well for me, but please feel free to provide any suggestions.
Writing this blog has been one of the hardest things I’ve done for a while. If you’ve lost anyone close to you and feel you can relate, let me know. You’re never on your own.
The Woof Wedding 